Earlier today I decided to get a few swim laps in to count as my exercise for the day. When I took a quick water break, a smiling man asked where I got my kickboard from. He had completed his swim lap workout & was drying himself to pack up and leave. I had just completed 200 yards of freestyle (or scissor) kicking with my board. Kick boards are one of many tools used for training and building swimming technique.
“Ah, you got it from Amazon. I was thinking of ordering from there. You seem pretty fast with that board,” he said, still smiling.
I looked at him and smirked a bit and replied, “Oh? Thanks. Back in the day I used to swim competitively I suppose it’s like riding a bike. You don’t really forget.”
He proceeded to inquire a bit further on where/when to purchase his own kick board. After a few minutes, he was still facing me to engage in conversation, but I felt as if I had answered his inquiries sufficiently and turned my body to finish my laps. When I completed that set he was gone.
Later on, I reflected if I wasn’t sure to interpret that as an attempt to create an intimate connection and/or a comment about my pace of swim as if anyone is assumed to swim slower with a kick board because of the given extra drag. In competitive swimming, the ideal is that the more technically “slick” your form is when you swim in water, you will move faster.
I’d like to claim the former, although I’d politely pass on the invitation to connect intimately because 1) Not a priority at the moment and 2) He was old enough to be my father & I haven’t found that to be my thing. Though I’d be lying if I hadn’t pictured at least once in my life having a sugar daddy.
My exploration while I contemplated this encounter was if, hypothetically speaking, consider the latter reason as to why this encounter occurred. Meaning to say, he was for lack of better description, saying that I was too curvy to be so fast in the water with the kick board AND no swim cap on (hair, mine being braided, still causes lag while swimming).
This, be-it-as-it-may-be-over-analysis activated my body acceptance wound. I’ve contemplated being this vulnerable about body image this time around because I’ve gone through body changes before. Dropped it. Gained it. Drop. Gain. It’s a perpetuated cycle via a myriad of reasons. I mostly attested weight gain in previous years because of medication treatments for chronic ailment flare ups. Either way, my point is that I’ve struggled with weight and body acceptance since I was a teenager. If I had acquired a therapist back then, they would’ve diagnosed me with body dysmorphia at the age of 12. I look at my 12 year old photos and long to hug that girl and let her know she was beautiful (& actually slim as fuck TBH- I was swimming 5–6 days a week!). Side note: I sorta love when the shadow work wisdom pulls through from present day -you to provide healing for younger, inner child -you — don’t you?
Back to this internal kick board conversation. Hypothetically considering, John (let’s just give him a hypothetical name too) was basically insinuating that I should be swimming slower with a kick board while he swam in the next lane over (legs and arms and all) and my curvy ass STILL passed him, made me smirk.
Ego thoughts call for short story telling late night writes. The call to action is raising awareness around body image, containing topics such as fatphobia & the forever continuing fat shaming culture and its harmful affects on society in a plethora of ways — one obvious is mental health and physical health. There is an imperative need to be redirected towards body positivity and acceptance movements. Like, who the fuck is still perpetuating shaming non-Euro centric body images and metabolisms? Whose still using BMI as a metric of their worth? Bullying youth in schools? Whose still brainwashed in seeing a persons appearance as their only “appearance”. Hell ya I’m standing on my “I Feel Pretty”, “Shallow Hal”, and insert any other cinema or clip that makes us think about how we judge others based on appearance -soap box! But seriously, how hard we are on ourselves to love our bodies? I’m talking about look-at-yourself-in-the-mirror-and-accept-yourself real real talk. Even the “slimmest” people have insecurities. Body image dysmorphias/phobias/eceteras.. does not discriminate. Sure, there are people who can actually look in the mirror and truly love themselves. And I love that. Are they contributing to the body positivity talk? Are they descendants of Narcissus?
This is a friendly reminder to never judge a person’s fitness level by their size. You never know WTF that person is going through.
As the still great while being great Lizzo says, “my weight and fitness is none of anybody’s fucking business”.
#CurvyGirlsCan 💪💪🏻💪🏼💪🏽💪🏾💪🏿
